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I kissed her shoulder then moved her hair aside and kissed the back of her neck. We were both quiet, loving the warmth of our bodies.She then lifted her head, turning to look at me then took a breath, “It’s not easy being me,” she said.“Oh?” I responded, surprised by her statement. “What do you mean?”“Well, you know. I really believe what I teach about women being independent and not being subservient.”“That’s good. You shouldn’t be subservient. I agree with that.”“Yeah but when you looked at me in the bar and I looked at you, I liked how you looked at me. It turned me on.”“Well you looked pretty sexy. How could I not look at you? I wanted to fuck you the moment I saw you and that luscious ass.”“I know and I liked that. I liked how you looked at me. I felt sexy,” she said, turning in my arms to face me.“I could tell you liked it when you smiled slightly. I was surprised to see you walk into that bar.”She took a deep breath, looking at me. “When I left that conference I changed out of. . Rose, please listen to me. My heart and my mind are a pile of rubble, and even more so than usual because I’m here. I don’t trust anything they’re saying to me right now. My day began in a haze of misery, yet since you found me it’s been so much better than I’d ever expected, and for that I have only one person to thank. You look and sound so much like her, you feel so much like her, and as I said, what you’re doing right now is her. In fact, she and I did something almost exactly like this once, a week or so before our relationship turned physical. But I don’t know anything about you, and I’m not sure I know anything about myself anymore. I know this is exactly what you mean by killing the mood, but I have no idea what we’re doing, and before I do or say something monumentally stupid with a person who’s been unaccountably, unimaginably kind to me, I feel like I need to understand what’s happening.”He felt rather than heard her sigh. One of her hands caressed his forearm for a few.
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